Everyone has asked me why hadn’t I been writing lately. What happened to the page….so many of you still check it daily (according to the stats) sending messages asking me to come back. What happened?
Well, let me tell the truth from the beginning. Don’t they say the truth will set you free? Hopefully it sets me free.
For the past few years I have been going through a serious bout of depression. It hasn’t been debilitating as far as work goes(because learned to lie about how I felt daily and go my ass to work) but it has made me retreat into my own mind. I went to work and came home and got in the bed. I only did the most necessary things then back in the bed. Part of this depression stemmed from a abusive relationship. I know right! Me……..Kanika in a abusive relationship but it is definitely a first and Lord willing the last. It wasnt a physically abusive situation but Emotional abuse being done to an already Mentally ill/ fractured person can cause deeper damage than you can imagine.
That relationship was a product of my own doing. Why? Because I took a temporary person/situation and tried to transfer feelings from another completely unresolved connection on to a incompatible host. So as time went on, what was seemed to be a good idea turned into one of the most unforgettable experiences I’ve ever had the displeasure of going through.
Not to take anything away from the guy. He is a good guy. Got good qualities, a person who loves hard, loyal, a somewhat decent set of core values… he just doesnt live in reality, very insecure and very jealous hearted.
Those qualities ( and a few others) just didnt line up with mine. Those qualities made me feel more down than up and i started to regress into myself. I gained an extreme amount of weight, stopped caring for things and people who were important to me.
I will say though, during that period I learned a ton of shit I should have known before. How to be grateful, how to humble myself, how to submit to a certain degree, I learned I had feelings, I learned what I wanted from a relationship and what I didnt want. I also learned that Independent is not what I want to be for the rest of my life. A wife is the helpmate, not the head. And I have a role that my husband of the future must be willing to allow me to take once he comes into my life.
I need to be able to be me at all times. However I want to be at whatever time I need to be because I can be many things during a 24 hr period.
So …… there you go. You asked where I was. As time goes on I may elaborate on more about this period then it will shed more light on whats happening now.
Until then, I’ll continue the journey to righteousness and truth.
Thats my truth for the day….. let it continue to change me.
Realistically Speaking……… Kiki
I was reflecting on my personal life and how it was so easy to get into certain situations. How you would think that you can just walk away from them but it seems like your heart wont let certain people go….its like they are embedded in your soul.
Have you ever wondered why that is?
How do you get somebody out of your spirit? How do you release them from your heart chains?
When we get into intimate relationships with people, confess our deepest feelings, show our true emotions, we are creating soul ties. These ties are also created when we marry…..surprisingly they do not release with the act of divorce. The divorce is really a piece of worthless paper unless the two express the desire to release each other from their connection.
I’m referencing a marriage because the bible talks of marriage and the soul tie.
SOUL TIES…….wow, the name of it just does something to me. Its scary. The past year especially I have been speaking about Soul Ties. Now I dont profess to be a saint by any means. Even in my backslidden (?) position I am still a believer in the Word of God. I look to the Word at times of uncertainty, precarious or unrest. I have been researching this topic biblically. Realistically, I am binded by demons created by soul ties from previous relationships. I am seeking to let those go NOW so that my spirit can rest easily and I can go forward in my walk into righteousness and the pursuit of the Truth. This is the beginning of change. And I now see that I had to get to a place ALONE so that message can be received correctly. And ALONE I am…….my heart is open……and afraid. Smh.
What are soul ties? A soul tie is an emotional bond or connection that unites you with someone else. You can become bound to a person through your soul. This can be created through the sexual or intimate act between 2 people.
Have you found yourself tormented or constantly hounded by thoughts about a person, always wondering about them, checking on them, contacting them or reminiscing about them? If so, you have soul ties. Have you grieved over a severed relationship with someone you were once close to or a physical relationship you no longer have? If so, you have soul ties.Soul ties are formed through close friendships, through vows (marriage), commitments and promises (such as: I wont love anyone else but you, or I promise to love you forever and so on) , and through physical intimacy. Not all soul ties are bad. God wants us to have healthy relationships that build us up, provide wisdom, and give godly counsel.
God will strategically bring good relationships into our lives to form healthy soul ties. There are also Unhealthy soul ties and those are to be broken, thrown away and removed. Hopefully by envoking the Blood of Jesus to wash it away. Amen.
I found this online. Found it to be applicable.
Breaking of a Tie; Becoming One Instead of Two
There is a traumatic effect when an intimate relationship is broken. It is one of the most painful experiences one may endure. That intimate “connecting” goes to the very depths of one’s heart and soul. When there is a “tearing”, it can greatly disrupt the entire life of a person.The Bible says, “By faith we understand that the worlds were FRAMED by the Word of God…” (Hebrews 11:3). When something is “framed”, like a picture, it is “put together” and made complete. The framed picture becomes something different from the pieces that make it up. It becomes something new. The framed picture is now the whole, while the photo, the wood, glue and nails have lost their own identity as separate pieces. As we look closer at the picture frame, we see connections or “bridges” between the four corner joints. In a relationship, these bridges are called “soul-ties”. They tie the husband and wife together. No longer are they identified as individuals, but “…the TWO shall become ONE…” (Ephesians 5:31). They have become something new, a family.There are countless relationships that have been “legally” broken where one spouse can’t help being drawn back to the other spouse. That’s because their souls are still tied to their former spouse or lover. Another situation is where a spouse is unable to give himself or herself fully to the other. The problem is a “scattered soul”. Both of these situations are caused from soul-ties that have never been broken. Even though a soul-tie that existed by law was broken when the marriage certificate was cancelled as a result of a certificate of divorce, there still must be a breaking or separating of the soul and spirit.For the sake of discussion, the terms, “soul-tie”, “double-minded”, “scattered soul” and “divided soul” will be used interchangeably.A “double-minded” person is a person with a divided soul (See James 1:8). When one’s soul is divided, “…let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord” (James 1:7). We can give and give and give into our marriage but it seems as though we get very little in return. HAVING A SCATTERED, DIVIDED SOUL, AFFECTS OUR RECEIVING, NOT OUR GIVING. “For let not that man suppose that he will RECEIVE anything…” (James 1:7). When our soul is divided, it affects our receiving, not our giving. We may wonder why we can’t receive the love and affection from our spouse that we so desperately need. They tell us that they love us, but somehow it’s not getting through to us. We then conclude, because of our inability to receive, that our spouse is not really “giving” us the affection we need. Untold marriages have unnecessarily failed because of this very reason.We can see how this seriously affects our trust for the other person. They say they love us, but because we are unable to receive that love, we unconsciously deem them untrustworthy because we are not receiving what they say they are giving. You can see how a person who is double-minded has relationship problems, including their relationship with God.The Bible says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ASK of God, who gives…” (James 1:5). Because we can’t receive what we ask for, we believe that it has never been given, when in fact, it has. So our receiving or rather our inability to receive is based on our soul being tied to someone. In other words, we receive from the person with whom we have soul-ties. A soul-tie is a connection of the heart (See Hebrews 4:12). There are good soul-ties and bad soul-ties. There are soul-ties that produce life in us, and there are soul-ties that produce death in us. God wants us to break the soul-ties that produce death.(Ref: Tiffany Buckner-The examiner. Com)
What are your thoughts?