I have always wanted to know what is the difference between jealousy and envy. I have never been a person who has been jealous of others. In my relationships or in my friendships. I could take it or leave it. I have however been the subject of jealousy…especially amongst my relationships and it has boggled my mind about how some people come up with the ideas that they do.
Jealousy is a feeling driven from an involuntary emotion that causes unnecessary problems at times for some but can ultimately be the glue that holds the relationship together or the rips that tears it apart. Some believe that jealousy can be healthy. That you need some type of jealousy to show your significant other how much you care for them. Then others believe that any sign of jealousy is a red light! That means stop the whole thing….don’t move forward, don’t move on Go!! In other words…when the devil show you his hand why try to guess different? What’s the hardest part of a relationship? Not being trusted. Accusations fly constantly about everything. Because your significant other is totally insecure. Insecurities are dangerous to any relationship. Always being accused breaks down the defenses and wears down the love you have for the person your with. What’s wrong with me?? What is the fucking problem now I mean dam??!! I truly think I have walked into some bullshit that I cannot get out of wirh my right fucking mind. It’s called the Twilight zone. It’s where all the crazy shit goes. I think I’m just gonna be one of those women who don’t speak until spoken to and even then my answers will be one words.
Lately, I have been in the process of re-evaluation. Really looking at those people around me who are genuine or pretending to be. I have really looked over my life and seen where I went wrong.
See, I have this nonchalant attitude towards things on the outside. I act as though things didn’t bother me, I soak up what people say and play the position of a person who knows nothing. Just to make others feel comfortable with me. Dumb myself down, block my light so others can feel superior. All This was done…..for what? Because people are jealous of anybody that they cannot control or confuse.
It’s sad when you realize that who was for you is not. Over the years I have developed (so I thought) so many friendships with people based upon their own lies a deceit. To find out that you were a friend to your friend and your friend was not a friend to you….its the most hurtful, disgusting thing ever. Beware of false faces who hid behind smiles when really the smile is a sneer.
I also have been re-evaluating myself as a person. I mean…really. I havent been the best anything. Mother, daughter, sister, friend, wife, girlfriend, shit…..I havent been the best me at all. Its time that this changes. I believe it will change because I have actually realized it, accepted it and set out to try to get it together before it takes too much control of me. Until then I won’t be happy at all. Not at all…..like I am not happy now.
Sidenote: You can dress a pig up in the prettiest dress, the best makeup and the fliest wig money can buy. Its still a pig. Keep it real.