How to tell if he is serious about you

10 Jan

Every woman has fucked around or dated the type of men I’m talking about here. I know I have. You’re confused because you are never sure where you stand or what his interest level really is. Let’s call him Mr. FakeAss, Mr. Playboy, Mr. It’sAllAboutMe or Mr. Afraid of Commitment. Whatever his romantic style, it’s just leaving you confused, frustrated. Especially trying to decipher what the relationship really is. So, here are signs to look out for when a guy is not into you. I had to look a lot of this up because I swear almost everyone I have dealt with was like most if not all of these examples and I .am shaking my head at myself about it as I write this.

The Obvious Signs

He’ll avoid eye contact or look right into your eyes to make sure you are uncomfortable with his stare, his body is positioned away from you, his arms are folded tightly over his chest, he does not encourage conversation or volunteers anything about himself. He maintains his distance. I have known a few guys that i swear I don’t know ANYTHING about them or their family life, upbringing, schooling, etc. I am tripping because these have been significant people in my life and it was not the case for them. Smh…

The Emotional Signs

You’ve been dating, seeing each other and/ or sleeping together for at least 6 months. He still can’t say he loves you or wants to talk about his feelings about you. If you have a dude is not sure how he feels and does not see a future with you after the 6 month mark, leave him. I feel that is a good amount of time for him to know where he sees this going and if he is developing strong feelings for you or loves you. When a guy is into you, he’ll want to let you know how he feels when he is sure that you feel the same way. If he can’t do that, start re-assessing what you are still doing with him. Move around before years go by wasted.

He Ignores or Shows You Disrespect

If he is ignoring you or disrespects you by putting down your thoughts and ideas, he’s not interested in you or in a relationship with you. Don’t waste your time on a guy who does that and focus your attention on a guy who focuses on you. Shit, actually pay yourself some attention because when you’re focusing on yourself that’s when the bastards wanna focus on you.

He Declines Your Social Invitations

This should be a clear sign to about 99% of women out there that he’s not interested in getting to know you better or pursuing anything further. Trust me ladies, the first time he declines your offer to hang out or coming to a party you could give him the benefit of the doubt. But when it’s constantly happening, he’s not busy, he just don’t want to see you and trying to be nice about it. If the dude is interested, he’ll be happy to come or if he can’t he will come back with alternate arrangements or follow up with an invitation of his own. He’s never too busy to make time for someone he really wants to have in his life.

Mr. Playboy aka The Honeymooner

I call this dude the honeymooner because of how long things remain fabulous while dating this guy. The first few weeks or month is awesome, dude got u smiling ear to ear. This dude starts off real aggressive, and sure about you. He can’t see you enough, calls all the time and declares his love for you early on. He’s so romantic, thoughtful and attentive that you think you’ve hit the love jackpot and won. He woos you with a bunch of bullshit, taking you to hotspots, cooking dinner, and being that great listener who wants to share your hopes and dreams. You think he seems too good to be true. Well, he is. The liar. This guy is sick. He love the chase, and is enamored with the newness of you. Once that has worn off and he has gotten what he wants, he sets his sights on the next girl. How to protect yourself from this guy? Don’t fall for the lines and behavior right away. Take your time before investing your heart and giving up the panties and proceed slowly. Make sure that he means what he says. The best way to do that is to let time be your guide. Usually they don’t want to put in the work to develop anything long term so you’ll know right away if his words mean anything.

Mr. Fake

This one is constantly faking out on you at the last minute. If a guy stands you up, blows you off or shows up late, he does not have respect for your time and plans. Bottom line, he does not respect you and does not care whether or not you are in his life. He don’t give a fuck that you changed plans to be with him. Next time, don’t change your plans. Get him on the schedule if ur available then you go if not don’t. Period.

Mr. Afraid of Commitment

You go on good dates, things are going good, sex is awesome, you feel the chemistry, you click on so many different levels and then you never hear from him again. He’s never able to discuss his feelings or distances himself when you express how your feelings for him have grown. He’s truly afraid of intimacy and what follows with it. So, you try not to pressure him and accept the flow of things because you think maybe if you give him time he’ll come around and choose you. You may be involved with a guy who falls in this category for months or even years and whenever the subject of a future pops up, he asks you what’s the rush, says he’s not ready, he needs more time, etc. Whatever his excuse for not committing, it’s tying you to a relationship that is not going anywhere at all. It either moves forward or it don’t. You can move on or at least date others in the meantime until he does figure out what he wants. He may never figure it out or choose you but at least you aren’t wasting good dating years on an emotionally stunted and unavailable guy. Some men just can’t commit, are players, have fears of commitment due to bad past relationships, want to remain bachelors, or like you but not enough to choose you for a committed, long lasting relationship. If only we could tap into his mind for his reasons for pushing away many good women who have loved him. But, the real deal is, when a guy is head over heels for a woman and loves her fully, he does not want to lose her and would rather commit than risk her walking out of his life. If he’s willing to watch you walk away, keep on stepping.

Mr. Sumbodielsesguy

If this guy is involved with a girlfriend or wife, he should be off limits. But so many women believe his lies and think he’ll dump the other woman and choose them because your coochie is better. They tell you the other woman is a bitch, don’t satisfy him, mean, don’t understand them, is psycho and won’t leave him alone. Or, he says to you that their relationship has a lot of problems, they fight constantly, he is no longer sleeping with the girlfriend or wife, he’s staying only for financial reasons or the children. The best lie of all: he’s planning on divorcing or leaving his wife or girlfriend very soon, just be patient. Now, months or years are passing by and his promises are not worth the paper they were written on. Women are natural nurturers and they want to take care of other people. Alot of us feel like  we can prove it with affection, attention and sex that they will be different than the other person in his life and that is what he really needs. We believe his lies. A relationship based on a lie is not one that can have a real future because if he can cheat or lie to someone else to be with you, he can also do the same thing to you.
If you fool yourself into believing you are special and the exception, then you are living in a fantasy world. I am Alice in Wonderland and the only happy ending that can come from living in an alternate reality is creating a relationship with a guy who never existed in the first place. If he truly cared about you, he’d end his other relationship before beginning one with you. Tell him to call you once he’s done with his other bitch and not a day before. Stick to it. Don’t be afraid to tell him that if he continues to call you will expose his lying ass. That fear is enough to make most taken dudes leave your crazy ass alone. If you find out later in the relationship that he is not single like he said, end it immediately and don’t look back. It’s called dating with integrity. If you can’t end it on your own or he keeps trying to draw you back call Pookie and Ray to beat his lying ass. When you allow yourself to be in a relationship based on a lie where you are not his main priority, you are setting yourself up for being used. He don’t want you, he use you to give him what he is not getting at home from the girlfriend or wife. Keep your kittypuss to yourself.

You Never See Him More Than a Few Days in Advance

This means he is trying to keep his schedule open in case something better comes along. The classic MO of a player. A dude who’s really wants you will want to keep you off the market in advance because he knows you’re awesomely spectacularand does not want anyone else to occupy your time. If he’s never available on the weekends or reserved date nights, know you’re just a passing phase or flavor of the moment.

He Only Comes to See You Late at Night

BootyCall: the guy who is too busy during day hours but has time to swing by for a quickie. Unless he’s a workaholic millionaire, don’t go for it. Even then, he can still afford to take you out during his day off or on the weekend. If you are not seeing a guy who works crazy hours and it’s just the time he sets aside to see you, then be warned that you have a booty call pattern on your hands. It’s a way for him to get his balls jacked and not have a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. You deserve to be taken OUT to restaurants, movies, and shows. You didn’t sign up to be kept in the closet.  It’s so dam stuffy in the closet man. For real. So, make sure you let him know that by not answering the latenight calls.

Friends with Benefits

A lil better than the booty call relationship but still not what most of us want when we  get involved with a guy we see a future with. A friends with benefits relationship is when you both agree to be sex buddies with no strings attached and can both see or date other people. If you are looking for a serious relationship, don’t settle for this bullshit. He’s just keeping his options open while using you for quick nuts in between. He’s letting you know clearly that you are not the “one” but instead are Ms. Right now until someone better comes along. It’s rare that this arrangement dont lead to one person walking away hurt because one person always develops stronger feelings and wants to change the relationship. Why settle?

You Never Meet His Friends or Family

Some dudes will wait to make sure that you are someone special before letting his people meet you. If a dude is serious about you, he want everyone to know and will have no problem introducing you to his friends and family. If you watch the months go by and this has not happened, you are being kept a secret. Is he really single or is he still unsure about your future together? You owe it to yourself to find out.

He Does Not Call You Back the Same Day or Answers His Phone When You Call

When dude into you, he don’t screen his calls for your number. He’ll pick up or call you back within hours. When you see a pattern of days going by without a return phone call, you are not high on his priority list. Basically, you are being avoided. Another sign of a player is he never answers the phone in your presence. If you see his phone constantly on vibrate or you visit his place and his answering machine is set to low volume or mute, he’s definitely still playing.

He’s Sleeping with Other Women

If you’ve been seeing a guy for a little while and you are hearing rumors or catching him fucking other women or still maintaining contact with exes, then you know he’s not ready to settle down and choose you.

He Disappears for Days, Weeks or Months at a Time

This sign is usually self-explanatory. It has happened to me recently actually. Any dude that does not make time for you and pulls a disappearing act on you is not into you, and is seeing other people. So, if you find yourself dealing with a guy who comes and goes from your life without a word of explanation, fuck him up and leave him alone!!

You Are Never Invited Over to His Place

He is living with someone!!

He Never Discusses Your Future or Makes Vacation Plans

Every dude has/had a life before meeting you. They schedule shit with their boys, have guys nights out living the bachelor life. When a relationship is getting serious and, he’ll start talking about thte things he wants to do with you, places to go together and makes plans. His boys take up less of his time and he’ll put you upfront. If he don’t bring up future plans you are not apart of his future.

He Does Not Remember Events or Dates that Matter to You

Some dudes really have a bad memory but if it’s important, he will make a real effort to remember. I have people that have NEVER EVER given me a birthday gift, card and I truly believe that they didn’t care enough about me to even try to acknowledge my day as special. But let their birthday, hell any day that is special to them come around then you are expected to roll out your red carpet.

Silent Treatment

If your dude suddenly stops calming, changes his number, stops coming over….he is not your dude anymore. He has moved on and so should you. Don’t entertain bullshit because bullshit is not funny.

If any of you recognize this bullshit as something your dude does……leave him where you found him. Alone. It’s a new year and I for one have no more time and energy to give to a dead end relationship.

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Realistically Speaking……KiKi

10 Responses to “How to tell if he is serious about you”

  1. The Diva January 10, 2011 at 7:15 PM #

    Well damn!!! U need this printed in Essence! Yes, yes, yes! A need read for every woman. Spoken like a true, seasoned, veteran! Now let’s all bow our heads… AMEN.

  2. connie lee January 10, 2011 at 7:35 PM #

    I like, totally LOvE this post!!!! The TRUTH SHALL MAke U FREE!!! An SET u FREE! This should b printed out and passed out on the street to every women we see! I bet u men will up they game on how they treat us. Thinking we stupid. Thank u! This is very empowering Kanika! LOve U! There’s so much I wanna say but ima just read and read an read it over an over! Great!

  3. Lady T January 11, 2011 at 9:26 AM #

    Well, well, well my FRIEND you really spoke the truth on this one! This is very informative and yes I can relate to this article!! I will pass this on because it is a most definetly need to read article!

    • Stacey January 11, 2011 at 10:46 AM #

      I love it!!

  4. Miss B January 11, 2011 at 11:41 AM #

    Love this! Been there done that on some of these myself! Thanks!

  5. Kellie November 19, 2011 at 4:23 AM #

    Hit the nail on the head KiKi ! good choice of words..emotionally stunted is classic.
    True, no woman should accept their bullshit.

  6. jadedagent June 29, 2012 at 5:59 PM #

    Hey! Did you just pass me the olympic torch of the playing field? Because I can feel you girl! We are on the run. Anything boys can do, girls can do better. What else is left to do when you were conceived and born and raised or experienced male aggression but to retalliate! (With exception to the lucky ones not under this situation) Girls, you are born with “it”. Just realize that it is never too late to become who you want to be. And please cut the drama and avoid disillution. If they missed you once, be extra careful with the second bullet you give to a man. It takes two to tango. Wear those heels high! Rock on girls! ;)

  7. Kaasni Ray March 11, 2013 at 9:52 AM #

    Great advice coming from someone with experience and who can say the facts as they truly exist. Thank you, Kiki!

  8. Bernice Sachiko April 6, 2014 at 11:55 PM #

    I love how you explain it LOL :P That’s really funny but true
    Great job :)

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