Its real……..

10 Oct

So many people are lost right now….not just from the economy, their financial situations,personal life or homelife. Lost From birth. Some people are born lost…unsure of the light that is within themselves so they walk through life in a misguided journey…or so they think. Our steps are ordered. Every pain,hurt or emotion you feel is all by design. I believe that. It is the will of the Father to make you strong and withstand the fight that is before you.

Depression is real. It is a gift from the Devil. I believe this. God does not cause confusion or misery. The devil does that. So many people are at a point in their lives where they are hurting from deep in their insides. A place where nobody can get to,so far inside they lost the way to remove it,a place where they want to be free from.

We misuse each other, take for granted each others feelings,so many snakes live in the grass that we’re scared to walk through to reality. Life has beat us down so bad and there is no support for those who carry the world on their shoulders.
Sitting around crying at night not knowing where the hurt began or if it will ever end. We have this cover/cape over us or wall (or at least we think we do), that is attracting those people who are hurtful to us bcuz we wear our heart on our sleeves. It’s on your shoulder…bleeding, barely pumping. Those who are predators see the weakness in our hearts and use that…thereby hurting us again. Some of us can take those constant hurts and keep going, but then their are some of us who can’t get past them. It hurts too much and it wasn’t enough time between this hurt and the last one. 

Depression is real……its a way the enemy tries to dim your light. The light that God gave you when you were born unto this ungodly place. That’s when the thoughts of suicide come. They say cut ur light off, everyone will be better off. They won’t have you to kick around no more, you won’t have to hurt no more……nobody cares about you anyway. So you believe it……and you cut ur light off. Ending your hurt, ending your sadness, your pain is no more bcuz you ended your life. 
But guess what…..ur pain is everlasting because you took a life that did not belong to you.

Depression is real……..It’s natural to feel like suicide is the answer. I know its something I believe a lot of us go through….but when those thoughts consume you…..when those thoughts are everyday, every minute, every second…..at this particular time is when if ur a believer….God can come in a save you. Change ur way of thinking, heal the wounds and cover you in His blanket of true love. Love that is a comfort to your soul. You hold ur head up, even though it hurts you smile anyway. Give ur problems to the Lord for him to fix and don’t take them back by worrying bout it. So when you encounter people who are “going through” or depressed, down in their spirit…..try to give them a little PEACE= PROVIDE EMPATHY AND COMPASSION EVERYDAY.

Connecting and Breaking Soulties

27 May

I was reflecting on my personal life and how it was so easy to get into certain situations. How you would think that you can just walk away from them but it seems like your heart wont let certain people go….its like they are embedded in your soul.
Have you ever wondered why that is?
How do you get somebody out of your spirit? How do you release them from your heart chains?
When we get into intimate relationships with people, confess our deepest feelings, show our true emotions, we are creating soul ties. These ties are also created when we marry…..surprisingly they do not release with the act of divorce. The divorce is really a piece of worthless paper unless the two express the desire to release each other from their connection.
I’m referencing a marriage because the bible talks of marriage and the soul tie.
SOUL TIES…….wow, the name of it just does something to me. Its scary. The past year especially I have been speaking about Soul Ties. Now I dont profess to be a saint by any means. Even in my backslidden (?) position I am still a believer in the Word of God. I look to the Word at times of uncertainty, precarious or unrest. I have been researching this topic biblically. Realistically, I am binded by demons created by soul ties from previous relationships. I am seeking to let those go NOW so that my spirit can rest easily and I can go forward in my walk into righteousness and the pursuit of the Truth. This is the beginning of change. And I now see that I had to get to a place ALONE so that message can be received correctly. And ALONE I am…….my heart is open……and afraid. Smh.

 What are soul ties? A soul tie is an emotional bond or connection that unites you with someone else. You can become bound to a person through your soul. This can be created through the sexual or intimate act between 2 people.

 Have you found yourself tormented or constantly hounded by thoughts about a person, always wondering about them, checking on them, contacting them or reminiscing about them? If so, you have soul ties. Have you grieved over a severed relationship with someone you were once close to or a physical relationship you no longer have? If so, you have soul ties.Soul ties are formed through close friendships, through vows (marriage), commitments and promises (such as: I wont love anyone else but you, or I promise to love you forever and so on) , and through physical intimacy. Not all soul ties are bad. God wants us to have healthy relationships that build us up, provide wisdom, and give godly counsel.

God will strategically bring good relationships into our lives to form healthy soul ties. There are also Unhealthy soul ties and those are to be broken, thrown away and removed. Hopefully by envoking the Blood of Jesus to wash it away. Amen.

 I found this online. Found it to be applicable.

Breaking of a Tie; Becoming One Instead of Two

There is a traumatic effect when an intimate relationship is broken. It is one of the most painful experiences one may endure. That intimate “connecting” goes to the very depths of one’s heart and soul. When there is a “tearing”, it can greatly disrupt the entire life of a person.The Bible says, “By faith we understand that the worlds were FRAMED by the Word of God…” (Hebrews 11:3). When something is “framed”, like a picture, it is “put together” and made complete. The framed picture becomes something different from the pieces that make it up. It becomes something new. The framed picture is now the whole, while the photo, the wood, glue and nails have lost their own identity as separate pieces. As we look closer at the picture frame, we see connections or “bridges” between the four corner joints. In a relationship, these bridges are called “soul-ties”. They tie the husband and wife together. No longer are they identified as individuals, but “…the TWO shall become ONE…” (Ephesians 5:31). They have become something new, a family.There are countless relationships that have been “legally” broken where one spouse can’t help being drawn back to the other spouse. That’s because their souls are still tied to their former spouse or lover. Another situation is where a spouse is unable to give himself or herself fully to the other. The problem is a “scattered soul”. Both of these situations are caused from soul-ties that have never been broken. Even though a soul-tie that existed by law was broken when the marriage certificate was cancelled as a result of a certificate of divorce, there still must be a breaking or separating of the soul and spirit.For the sake of discussion, the terms, “soul-tie”, “double-minded”, “scattered soul” and “divided soul” will be used interchangeably.A “double-minded” person is a person with a divided soul (See James 1:8). When one’s soul is divided, “…let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord” (James 1:7). We can give and give and give into our marriage but it seems as though we get very little in return. HAVING A SCATTERED, DIVIDED SOUL, AFFECTS OUR RECEIVING, NOT OUR GIVING. “For let not that man suppose that he will RECEIVE anything…” (James 1:7). When our soul is divided, it affects our receiving, not our giving. We may wonder why we can’t receive the love and affection from our spouse that we so desperately need. They tell us that they love us, but somehow it’s not getting through to us. We then conclude, because of our inability to receive, that our spouse is not really “giving” us the affection we need. Untold marriages have unnecessarily failed because of this very reason.We can see how this seriously affects our trust for the other person. They say they love us, but because we are unable to receive that love, we unconsciously deem them untrustworthy because we are not receiving what they say they are giving. You can see how a person who is double-minded has relationship problems, including their relationship with God.The Bible says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ASK of God, who gives…” (James 1:5). Because we can’t receive what we ask for, we believe that it has never been given, when in fact, it has. So our receiving or rather our inability to receive is based on our soul being tied to someone. In other words, we receive from the person with whom we have soul-ties. A soul-tie is a connection of the heart (See Hebrews 4:12). There are good soul-ties and bad soul-ties. There are soul-ties that produce life in us, and there are soul-ties that produce death in us. God wants us to break the soul-ties that produce death.(Ref: Tiffany Buckner-The examiner. Com)

What are your thoughts?

Realistically Speaking………..Kiki

Permanent Things with Temporary People

10 May

They say when you know better, you do better. I believe that is not the case for most people. Myself included.  I know better, I have yet to do better. Sitting here shaking my head at myself.

Whats the problem you ask? Well, I do permanent things with temporary people causing prolonged feelings of anger and resentment.   I am truly looking to get to the bottom of this illness I have. I have been in a constant battle. The battle is with myself. Asking myself…”Why you say that?”…The answer, put as simply as possible: I must be in a battle between what I need, what I want and what I accept. Its craziness, lunacy and psychotic.
I have always thought of myself as someone who looks for the long term return instead of the short term profit. But it seems that I have been doing alot of self sabotage. Especially with the people that I keep in my personal life. Is this a way to keep myself from having to deal with people in a trusting and committed relationship? Or am I truly scared to succeed?

I dont know. ..but I know I need some help.

Emotional Rollercoaster Relationships

20 Feb

You know, some relationships touch your core. Tug at your soul, play games with your mind, fuck with your understanding. But you love every minute of it and nobody can take you away from it. It’s your destiny and creates purpose that surpasses all understanding. Completely emotional, completely irrational and yet totally fulfilling.

You can feel so lost in this love one minute and so undesired the next. Back and forth, up and down so fast that the bottom falls from my stomach while tears fall from my eyes and laughter leaves my lips……………..Crazy. How do you understand the dynamics of some relationships?

In my experience,  most relationships where the people have been together for years they have already made distinctive battle lines around previous painful emotional scars where they have pushed each others hot buttons.  All one of them has to do is use a certain tone of voice, have a certain look on their face or act too “nonchalant” and the other person goes in on the shit they know will get a response or the response that satisfies them at the time.  One of them is getting their rebuttal ready in their head because  they “know” what the other is going to say before the they even say it. That’s the bullshit right there I don’t like.  The struggle for power begins and neither one of them will even notice when to retreat or throw in the towel.  They start pulling out old shit they were supposed to have gotten over or reference the previous lover to prove their point of how neither one is “stupid” and he or she ain’t slick.  Ha!!  A constant fight to see who is right and who is wrong. Both are losers.

In order to understand the reasoning for such ups and downs in the relationship you must first understand each other. Understand the real people, not the representatives that presented themselves in the beginning of the relationship. Now that time has passed, comforts have also set in along with the realization of a one on one relationship. This starts a level unsaid expectations.
Someone once told me that when you expect nothing you are not let down when you receive it. We tend to place extraordinary expectations on people without giving them the needed info to meet those expectations. Causing unnecessary stress on your significant other and strain on weakening limbs. You can’t hold love up if all you’re gonna do it tear it right back down. Leave it alone.

The rollercoaster is really caused by insecurity between one or both parties involved. The ups and downs are caused by fear. The back and forth is caused by jealously and envy. Mistrust causes misuse. And all this negativity equals love? Complete disfunction means impending destruction.
Yet, a lot of us love Rollercoasters. Smh.
Not me…rollercoasters make me sick so I stay away from amusement parks. Im leaving it alone.

“Realistically Speaking ……..Kiki”

 

 

 

MOTHER MAY I?

3 Dec

It seems as though I am speaking to so many women who have some type of issue/issues with their Mother. It touches a sore spot for me because I too struggle with my relationship with my mom. Now, I love my mother. She is my mother. She brought me in the world and gave me life and strength. But there are other things she gave me as well I would have rathered her keep. But I digress. This is not about me.

 I am reflecting on a conversation I had with a young lady who said her mother was/is manipulatI’ve and very controlling. That this type of mother gave her a complex that is affecting her current relationships. Here’s my take on it. I think I have figured it out……

Children of difficult/controlling mothers, as well as others who have had difficulties/issues growing up can show great resilience. They appear to be very emotionally enept or uncaring. Very headstrong and extremely motivated. These children however have lifelong issues in regards to establishing a comfortable self-worth and have many trust issues.

Realistically speaking, a manipulative or difficult mother is way more than somebody who we have problems with from time to time. A real difficult mother is one who presents her children a undeniable and profound dilemma: “Either grow a dam complex along with mental constriction or confinement to keep a relationship with me-( even though it puts in jeopardy your own outlook, imagination and mental state, and values) or suffer ridicule, resentment, mistreatment, disapproval, or rejection.
Basically, do what the fuck I say do or get the fuck out. And I’ll make everyone else treat you like shit too. Because if you not gonna do what the fuck I say then yoy ain’t gonna do shit.  I’ll make sure of it. ( said in the most selfish mom voice I have)

 As a parent…..I am guilty of trying to control my children. Or sometimes bullying them to get my way..but then I think about how when I was younger. How I couldn’t stand it when my momma said..”Do ——– or ??. It pissed me off and stayed with me. As a child….and I am still someone’s child even though I’m almost 40yrs old. I see certain things are still affecting my adult life.

My friend said this weekend that her children have damaged parents and its up to her to heal herself so she can be healthy for her children. I wholeheartedly agree. Its up to us to heal ourselves in order to not curse our own children. Allowing them to suffer unknowingly from our own damage. You can’t control every situation. You just pray that you have equipped them enough to deal with life accordingly. That’s enough for me.

“Really?”

24 Nov

I have always wanted to know what is the difference between jealousy and envy. I have never been a person who has been jealous of others. In my relationships or in my friendships. I could take it or leave it. I have however been the subject of jealousy…especially amongst my relationships and it has boggled my mind about how some people come up with the ideas that they do.

Jealousy is a feeling driven from an involuntary emotion that causes unnecessary problems at times for some but can ultimately be the glue that holds the relationship together or the rips that tears it apart. Some believe that jealousy can be healthy. That you need some type of jealousy to show your significant other how much you care for them. Then others believe that any sign of jealousy is a red light! That means stop the whole thing….don’t move forward, don’t move on Go!! In other words…when the devil show you his hand why try to guess different? What’s the hardest part of a relationship? Not being trusted. Accusations fly constantly about everything. Because your significant other is totally insecure. Insecurities are dangerous to any relationship. Always being accused breaks down the defenses and wears down the love you have for the person your with. What’s wrong with me?? What is the fucking problem now I mean dam??!! I truly think I have walked into some bullshit that I cannot get out of wirh my right fucking mind. It’s called the Twilight zone. It’s where all the crazy shit goes. I think I’m just gonna be one of those women who don’t speak until spoken to and even then my answers will be one words.
Lately, I have been in the process of re-evaluation. Really looking at those people around me who are genuine or pretending to be. I have really looked over my life and seen where I went wrong.
See, I have this nonchalant attitude towards things on the outside. I act as though things didn’t bother me, I soak up what people say and play the position of a person who knows nothing. Just to make others feel comfortable with me. Dumb myself down, block my light so others can feel superior. All This was done…..for what? Because people are jealous of anybody that they cannot control or confuse.

It’s sad when you realize that who was for you is not. Over the years I have developed (so I thought) so many friendships with people based upon their own lies a deceit. To find out that you were a friend to your friend and your friend was not a friend to you….its the most hurtful, disgusting thing ever. Beware of false faces who hid behind smiles when really the smile is a sneer.

I also have been re-evaluating myself as a person. I mean…really. I havent been the best anything. Mother, daughter, sister, friend, wife, girlfriend, shit…..I havent been the best me at all. Its time that this changes. I believe it will change because I have actually realized it, accepted it and set out to try to get it together before it takes too much control of me. Until then I won’t be happy at all. Not at all…..like I am not happy now.

Sidenote: You can dress a pig up in the prettiest dress, the best makeup and the fliest wig money can buy. Its still a pig. Keep it real.

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